Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Reverb 13: Day 10 - Spark

Reverb is a way to reflect on the past year and project into the next year with a prompt a day for 31 days. The point is to remember, revisit, reframe, reexamine the past year and share stories.

Prompt: What inspired you this year? How do you think this will impact the year to come? 

Riding a roller coaster. Is it terrifying for you, too? First, you wait for near an hour, letting the mix of anxiety and boredom build around you. Some people are excited for the upcoming ride, some people don't know if they should be excited or terrified given that they almost peed themselves on the last ride, and some are just terrified. 

Once you're on the ride, there's a bit of anxiety. Is my safety bar really safe? Is my belt buckled all the way? That guy didn't check me! What did he say? 

And then you start climbing that first slope. It starts out so slow, and with the anticipation of what's to come, it drags on just a bit. And now you're in the front seat, cresting over the edge looking down on Earth as the rest of the ride catches up... and suddenly you're plummeted through twists and turns; you're moving so fast but yet, still seems slow in the moment. 

When suddenly... it's done. Your hair is standing up on end; you can't believe you just survived. It went so much faster than all the build-up.

And you either get off thriving on the exhileration of it all, or you're left shaken and off kilter for the rest of the day. It's hard to even keep your churro down.

That was my year. It was wild, full of anticipation, pit falls, and loop-di-loops. It's over now, I'm a little a lot frazzled by it.

And I did it all while being terrified of roller coasters and generally not really feeling inspired by any of it. I know it's weird... So, I hate roller coasters. But, with few exceptions, I will almost always let myself be talked into them. I let the adrenaline get me, and I even enjoy a few parts. But the falls hit me hard, and I can't always cope with the loop-di-loops. And I'm not inspired on roller coasters. I leave them feeling exhausted, not excited.

And that's where I'm left. I was briefly inspired by some things this year... But they ended when I came back from Israel. The trauma and very rawness of the job loss took the spirit I had gained. The stress and frantic-ness of the new job has left little time to breath, let alone rekindle my own spirit. I'm just tired. And it's a little sad.

Despite all that, I'm hopeful for next year. I need to focus on staying re-energized so that I don't feel even more drained with each passing day.
By the end of February, I will have traveled on three different personal trips - a week-long vacation and some short weekend trips. First priority for next year is to own my inspiration. And it's lookin' good.

1 comment:

  1. I love you babygirl and love seeing these. You are AWESOME and I am so proud of you and all your challenges and opportunities :-)