Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Dear Diary,

It's approximately 1:45 AM and I am awake. It's the third night (morning?) this has happened. Seeing as I've been home for nearly three weeks (illness, followed by surgery, followed by office closed and boredom), it can't possibly be jetlag. 
Sherlock and Merlon and Good Eats are all on Netflix so at least I have something to do. Oy. I have pinned everything I can. I have sent pins endlessly. Facebook has been scoured. Instagram is caught up. And I'm hungry. This is really terrible. And I am getting more and more fearful of Monday when the real world strikes again.

Supplies are low. As is morale. I fear the worst. Send help. 

The Case of The Giant Tonsils was resolved on December 15th. 2.5 weeks later, I'm healing well. But before that there was the The Strange Intense Pain That Sent Me Home Early from Germany. Oh and there was the work trip to Germany. So while I foolishly thought I could keep up with #Reverb14 under the influence of narcotic pain killers, the travel, the ER, the pain killers, and family time, I have fallen terribly behind. 

No better way to bully insomnia when everyone else in this hemisphere is sleeping than to write a "Dear Diary" entry, right?

Half hour later, sleep is no closer to me. I suppose I'll go paint my nails or clean out a bin?

Sweet dreams, Diary. 
Hugs and Kisses,

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Reverb14 - Day 4

Do Over | Hindsight is the one thing we never benefit from in the present. Is there one moment you wish you could do-over?

Until recently, I am honestly sure that I was haunted by the past. I would go home at the end of the day and re-analyze almost every interaction. From emails, to casual conversations, to professional interactions. 

But over the past year, something clicked and I am just not doing it as much any more. So when I think back to this year and try to consider what I would have done differently, I am not haunted by anything right now. Part of this may honestly be just that I am so busy and overwhelmed at work that I cannot spare the time to think on the past.

Of course I still have moments when I second guess myself, but there has been a shift. There is not one moment I would do differently. 

I may wish for small moments when I could spare an extra breath to be a little kinder to those who care for me, may wish that I could call my family a little more, or may wish that I could balance work a little bit, but those may be the next shift in me. For now, I will try to enjoy the peace and quiet flowing from the self-critical corner of my mind.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Reverb14 - Day 3

Coulda woulda shoulda | What didn't you do this year because you were too scared, afraid, unsure? Are you going to do it next year? Or maybe you don't want to anymore?

I like to think that there's not much I avoid just because I'm scared. There were lots of things I didn't get to this year, but finishing/not finishing had far less to do with fear and so much more with brain cells and resources to spare.

The only thing that came close was getting my tonsils out. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea this year after undergoing a sleep study when Hubs had finally had enough of my night-time throat singing. The cure? Tonsillectomy. Now, this is not the cure for everyone, but I assure you my tonsils are so big that they almost touch on the daily, so this might actually cure it for me. But after lots of consideration, I nabbed the last appointment of the year!

Fingers crossed for a snore-free 2015!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Reverb14 - Day 2

Gorgeous | When did you feel beautiful this year? Why?

Okay. All my cards on the table: this was a rough body image year. In all honesty, this year's weight gain has affected me more than any my other bald years prior.

But I remember two nights in particular where I felt outrageous.

(1) Our 4-year anniversary in March. We made reservations. I wore a wig and a new dress. Hubs got me a beautiful gift. I was drunk on love before the alcohol kicked in. It was a rare evening together in between many weeks of travel and it was so wonderful to be engaged and focused on each other.

(2) Few months later, I found a coupon for a distillery tour and cocktail tasting date night. We made friends, made drinks, and ate a greasy bar burger before heading home.  After 50,000 miles traveled, this was a welcome break and so nice to stay with my man.

Date night selfie!

It was not until I started writing this down that I realized how much I define "gorgeous" by the quality time I spend with my husband. Yes, I feel pretty sometimes when I travel on my own.But I think "gorgeous" represents a centered mind, as well. My year was by no means centered or peaceful, but when I get to spend quiet moments with my man, he does have that effect on me.

Can I have my own identity, self esteem, and centered moments without him? Of course. I have and I will continue my own identity without him. But we are in a partnership together, and it's okay that he can be that rock for me, too. That may not be a very feminist sentiment, but this is my truth. And in this year where I traveled over 100,000 miles over this globe, it is comforting to let him have this peace over me. 

Monday, December 1, 2014

Reverb14 - Day 1

Last year for December, I tried working out the posts with the Reverb community. I found it deeply inspirational, and am trying it again this year. I may find that I will post more this month than the rest of the year combined, but if I do, it will be because I need to work it out.

At the start | Where did you start 2014? 

This year was a blur. January came hot on the heels of an emotional holiday season - The First after my grandmother passed. "The Hardest" "It's easier after this."
Sure. Okay. If you say so.

In January I was struggling. I was deeply dissatisfied at work. I had two new bosses that I wasn't quite used to yet. I was personally in a better place after blogging through some feelings in Reverb last year, but generally I remember feeling aching in my heart and soul.

I was desperately ready for a change - in my job, in my outlook, in anything. Even if it was more plainness in my life. I did not get plain or even normal. But this December, 11 months later, is worlds brighter than January in all ways.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

The Day To Day

Here's the problem. It's not that I don't want to be on here. It's that I'm genuinely at a loss of what to say. It's not so much writer's block, as much as the only feelings I've had to share are motivated by stress from work. And I don't want this to be a negative outlet. While I certainly don't want to keep it sunshine and roses all the time, we'd all get bored if all I talked about was how mentally, physically, and emotionally drained I am at the end if the workday. 

Now, it hasn't been all rain clouds, either. My outlook at work is improving. I'm working out again. I'm visiting family and my new nephew. But I'm still struggling with the mental and creative stamina required to walk in the door after working 10 hours in my cubicle, workout for an hour, make and eat dinner, maybe catch up on reading blogs, and pretty soon it's 10 pm and I haven't stopped moving all day. Yet the laundry pile doesn't get any smaller, and the dishes don't wash themselves, and my husband can't always entertain himself. 

So it gets to be 10 pm and all I can think about to write is whining about how I don't have time in my day to fix that chipped nail polish or iron that blouse. So instead of complaining about it here, I've stood up and done it. 

These moods definitely come and go with the seasons. The days are getting longer and warmer here in the PNW, and we finally had our first hot day. I am so looking forward to getting one more excuse off my back and get back into sharing here. 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Stitch Fix Review

The following review is my own opinions, I did not receive any compensation - I just like fashion and shopping. :-)

Have you heard of Stitch Fix? You can sign up through their website, input your style and size choices, then get a box of 5 mystery fashion items to try on and buy, if you want, all from your home. I have received 4 shipments, and until my latest one, I was ready to write them off. At the end of last year (my 3rd shipment), my Fix was late, I had some rough hits with customer service, and the Fix contents were SO BAD. But then the 4th one came earlier this year and it was like fashion heaven in a box, delivered straight to my feet.

I know lots of people who have been disenchanted with the Fixes, feeling that the stylist never quite "got" them, or maybe the sizing was consistently a bit off. While I was never completely displeased with my box (except for shipment 3), I had never loved EVERYTHING until shipment 4. For the first two shipments, I kept a 2 pieces and set the rest back. Bit of a mixed-bag experience...

The Brands: I haven't seen many of the brands in big retailers. There are a few I've seen at Macy's or Nordstroms, but never the same pieces there that Stitch Fix provides. I've been able to update my wardrobe with a few unique pieces, and I get compliments on them every time I wear them. I like the conversation pieces. And since everyone's Fix is different (depending on timing, size availability, price preference, and style choice), there's still a big of a surprise every time!

The Price: The pieces I have received have ranged between $28 and $88 (website lists their average at $65) for all types of tops, bottoms, dresses, and jewelry. Now, let me start by saying that this far exceeds my normal clothing budget. However, for a few fun pieces, every now and again, I think it's worth it. The pieces have all been high quality, so I still feel like I'm getting value (even if not cheapness).

The Style: Because I so thoroughly loved and lost my mind over my 4th Fix, I wanted to share it here! Now, it hasn't all been winners...
Exhibit A: Failure from Fix #3
Exhibit B: Like, it was so bad.

My latest fix was 5 keepers. And the bonus is that if you keep all 5 pieces, you get a 25% discount on the entire purchase! 
Top #1: Royal blue with lace detail

#2 Dress: Teal, jersey cowl. The belt is my own, but I love the dress so much

#3 Top: Olive Jersey Tunic. I love the shirring and length on this! It is so soft and comfortable, but still styled enough for the office with a pencil skirt

#4 The Jewels: A long, delicate, rosey/bronze necklace that is so versatile (and a better look at the olive top)

#5 Top - a royal blue silk tunic-peasant with cut-out detail on top. LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!
The other fun thing about the style is that each piece comes with photo and fashion layouts with two different options to wear each piece. I've kept these for the pieces I keep, although I normally love the pieces so much that I don't need much inspiration to keep wearing them.

I wear these pieces quite a bit, and have considered them an investment in my professional wardrobe. You can get more casual, or even fancier options if you list it in your style profile, too. 

I will probably sign up for another for my birthday before taking an extended break (my closet is pretty full), but I so enjoy the surprises!

Are you interested in trying Stitch Fix for yourself? You can sign up here through my referral link!

Do you have a favorite wardrobe staple?