#Reverb15 – January

Upgoals | What are you so NOT doing this year? What’s on your “I just can’t care about that” list?

I’m a little late, but I really have been thinking about this goal for a while. I would really like to care less about what I can’t control. I’d like to think less of what people think about me. And I’d like to care less about whether or not I’m scoring a high enough grade in aspects of life that aren’t actually graded (so… all of it).

As a type A control freak (who… me? I know. Shocking), I tend to care a lot about a lot. I would love to be able to lay aside all my cares, and actually do. And coming from a family of engineers, I’m super good at planning and caring. Doing is hard. Doing is the struggle. Letting go of the plans and the “could-bes” and “worst case” and “what-ifs” are something that I may never be able to do. But I’m trying.

Last night was my third yoga class in a week, and my second as part of an eight week introduction series I signed up for. I’ve loved the idea of yoga – especially regarding the wellness and awareness it can bring people in all areas of life. But it is a practice. And last night, they were speaking about how you can never really be an A student in yoga until you let yourself be a C student first. 

Me: “LOLZ.” 

But it’s true. And as we transitioned into our eleventy billionth downward dog of the night, my shoulders screamed, and my hamstrings pulled in the wrong direction, and my whole body started shaking. So I took a knee and took a breath in child’s pose. And that was okay! And then I went right back into downward dog, but just that single breath on the ground allowed me to finish stronger.

And I’m trying to bring that into my life more. So when my desk life is screaming, and my chores are pulling me in the wrong direction, and my relationships are shaking, I can try to take a knee. Take a breath – just one breath – and do more, stronger. And I just can’t care that other people don’t need to take a knee or a breath. But more likely is that I’m too focused on my own screaming shoulders to notice that they took a break before I did, and we all finished together.

The Traveler Returns

Let me start by saying that a lot has happened since I truly gave a detailed share-time here.
For starters, I was laid-off back in March. It was a terrible learning experience. I'm still learning from it... The most scarring part of the experience was that the news came in the middle of my incredible trip across Israel. It soured the second half of the trip. I have enough trouble focusing on the moment due to my mild anxiety, but this was truly distracting. Luckily I met some wonderfully amazing people who helped me talk myself up and even comforted me during my unannounced sobbing panic fits on the plane ride home.

I sat at home for 7 weeks.

I cleaned, I cooked, I cried, I did laundry, I organized my spice cabinet, I cried some more, and I dusted the tops of book shelves. And when Monday was over...

That is only a slight exaggeration. Most of my days included about 12 hours of job hunting/networking/resume writing and rewriting and over analysis of what I would wear on interviews. Occasionally, I would get an interview.

I pictured myself blogging a lot more during that time. But frankly, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself in between my bouts of panic and while I did plenty of cooking, photographing, and eating, I didn't really feel up to writing about it.

But on the 8th week there was work. And it was good. The natives rejoiced throughout the land.

And I haven't stopped moving since. Since May when I returned to work, I have been to Las Vegas, Prague, Vancouver BC, Australia, Portland, and the Washington coast. All of the international trips were for business and took up most of June. Honestly, it's taken me until about last week to truly recover from jet-lag. My hubs has been incredibly patient while I have no desire to cook and we went through a particularly shameful week of eating out for every dinner. When my job isn't sending me around the globe in 21 days, I'm working long hours and spending most of my creative juices on impressing my boss instead of sharing here. If you remember that I'm an introvert, this makes sense. Trust me.

But as I dusted off the blog to ready my typing fingers for Berry Week, I found myself wanting to talk. So here's a little bit about Australia (including a cocktail!) and hopefully I'll soon share the rest of my travels.

I spent a week between Melbourne and Sydney. And as glamorous as that sounds (and I never tire of saying it), I assure you it was not. The working days (all but one) were spent at the hospital, averaging 10 hour days. It's winter time down undah, so the days were shorter and colder. I had essentially zero time in Sydney. We drove past the opera house, but was working the rest of my time there. I was lucky enough to walk a bit around Melbourne, though.

Melbourne is a stunning city. It reminded me of a larger Portland with the liveability and culture. As a foodie, I was truly impressed. I experienced a wonderful tapas meal with Spanish wine and such care and civility to the dining experience that exceeded my best experience in Barcelona. I sneaked a snap of the menu so I could remember it.

Bunuelos de bacalao, caballa ahumado, queso, pollo escabache al miguel, bistec tartar de wagyu, setas asadas con jerez, and cecina were all gorged on.

Right around the corner from our hotel was an amazing breakfast place who grew their own honey on the roof. They had other impressive qualities, like locally source ingredients and a seasonal, low impact menu, but I was entranced by their honey. On my first visit, I was foolish enough to order "just" a latte. My colleague ordered a milk 'n honey (steamed milk with honey and cinnamon) that was so fragrant that I could smell it over my french toast and bacon. The next trip, I asked them to add honey to the latte and suddenly the world shattered around me and I found my new favorite morning drink: Milk 'n Honey Latte. Seriously you should try it. Starbucks in the states will even make it (I've tried). But everywhere I went in Melbourne had honey at hand and could whip me up one of these special treats. I'm in coffee love. It's like experiencing coffee all over again. I had fabulous quinoa, coq au vin, chicken parmagiana, benedicts, pork-fat-fried potatoes, and risottos. I was never hungry. Except for that one time we went shopping walking and forgot to eat and found out the hard way that most places are closed between 2 pm and 5 pm.

Bikes abound, polite locals, and beautiful foliage framed by time in town. One of my favorite meals all week was at The Aylesbury. The lunch featured a roasted carrot on a bed of creme fraiche with quinoa, sunflower seeds, and pomegranate seeds. The bread was... out of the this world. Unworldly. But I had a supremely executed cocktail and if it wasn't for the fact that I was dining with my boss and it was 1 pm, I would have had 2 more. They called it a "My Name is Earl". Served in a tall glass, it contained gin, creme de peche, earl grey tea, and lemon. It was surprisingly tea-like and not too sweet or alcoholic. Definitely one to go down smooth. Below I tried to recreate it.

After a week of hard work, which came hot on the tails of two other business trips, I was so ready for bed. I slept on the way home and was welcomed to a weekend of fundraisers and bridal showers across two states. But nothing was warmer than finally being in my husbands arms again. And two cats who didn't notice I was gone.

Below is my recreation attempt at the Aylesbury's drink. Mine came out more of a sweet tea, but was still very tea-like. I don't care much for real sweet teas, but I didn't find this version bad at all. It's a wonderful accompany to your porch-side evenings this summer!

Sweet Earl
Makes 1 cocktail (and extra syrup)

For Earl Grey Syrup
1/4 cup loose Earl Grey tea leaves
1 1/4 cup boiling water
1 1/4 cup sugar

In a large mug, place the tea leaves. Cover with boiling water and let steep until very strong (5 minutes). Strain the loose tea out and pour the tea into a small saucepan. To the saucepan, add the sugar and stir to combine. Place the saucepan over medium-high heat until the sugar dissolves completely and reduces slightly (5-10 minutes). Remove from heat and set aside to cool.

For the Sweet Earl:
1 1/2 jigger gin
1 jigger earl grey syrup
3/4 jigger peach schnapps
2 jiggers brewed earl grey tea (cooled)
Lemon slices

In a tall glass, add ice. Pour all liquid ingredients into the glass and stir to combine. Add the lemon slices and serve.

Easy Peasy Cookies! (And life lessons from an awkward turtle)

I have a problem. This problem is that I rarely take on "as much" as I can handle. It's almost always more than I can handle. Not sure why. I'm pretty dumb like that. I thrive on the stress - which is, of course, a problem since I have two diagnosed stress-related disorders. So, maybe I should say that I'm bored without stress. Or, rather, maybe I'm just so used to stress that I've never quite learned how to live without a "hum" of stress in the background.

For the past 2 weeks, I've been in the process of moving. But, of course, I can't simply move. I'm working full time. Autumn quarter has started, so I have 6 hours of class and then homework on top of that each week. Oh, and I have to work on my practicum (like a thesis). And... apparently, sleep. I couldn't do all of it - the husband has been doing a lot of moving and unpacking without me. I've used my lunch breaks to do the minimal homework, but I can't concentrate on much else. Oh, and I haven't touched my practicum in almost a month (and that's bad). And I'm stressed because I'm behind, and I can't find half my stuff and oh goodness am I tired. And the hubs is tired because I don't have time to help him. This ish is hard! This weekend, when I was sick and tired of being so tired, I took the weekend off to unpack and move. And while I was unpacking, for some reason, I thought back to middle school. And it is a perfect analogy (and rambly story, if you're into that sort of thing) that is actually helping me get back on track.

When I was in middle school, we had these week-long Immersion programs (instead of gym classes) twice per year. And the teachers would come up some neato activities to entertain students, the students would choose the activity they'd most like to do, and we would take a break from normal classes and "immerse" into these alternative activities. When I was about 12 (or 13) I went backpacking. And I remember this because out of the 10 students that went, 8 were girls and the teachers made each of the girls write a letter to explain exactly why we wanted to crawl around in the woods for a week (they, obviously, expected all boys). So, we met at school to pack up all the food, tents, sleeping bags, etc. into backpacks - for 5 days in the woods. They spread out the supplies evenly (and into loads that girls could carry) and I had a lot more room in my bag and I saw that a lot of other people were packed full. I offered to take more stuff in my bag (because, really, how much does a pack of bagels and a first aid kit weight??). And then we were off and in the woods! 

10 minutes onto the trail, we passed a nice hiker coming down from his week in the woods. And he smiled at the two brave teachers willing to wander off with 10 middle-school kids... but he stopped to tell me that my pack straps needed to be adjusted. The teacher helped me out tightened them up. Great! As soon as the pack was fitting right, it threw off my balance and... I fell straight back. Like some sort of cartoon. Just toppled back. I was standing, then suddenly I was on my back squirming like a turtle. Because the huge backpack was throwing me off balance! Are you laughing? It was pretty comical. Because then I had to roll onto my side and all three adults had to help me up onto my feet. We redistributed the weight, tightened me back up, and we were REALLY off then! The week continued without event (other than the usual awkward preteen drama) and then we went back to class the next week.

Obviously, I've been taking on more than I can handle for... ever. FOREVER. Apparently you don't outgrow dumb. And this is the lesson to myself - just because I have room for something, and just because I'm strong enough to carry the weight, doesn't mean that adding another "thing" won't throw me off balance and suddenly I'll be squirming on the floor, like a turtle, but without a backpack (so... crazier). I need to recognize when my pack is full, but not overburdened. Full, but balanced. Just like eating (and all aspects of life, really). Fill/eat/load until full - not overflowing. Not excessive.

Since apparently I've been doing this forever, do you know how HARD that is to cut back?? This will probably be a life-long challenge and learning process - but if I would genuinely like to learn how. So, if you have tips - please let me know and I will try them out after June next year (when I have graduated and only have work to worry about...).

Speaking of full... here's a recipe for cookies that takes 10 minutes to prep and you can fit it into any busy day! When I was in high school, I worked at a local bakery, and I learned how to make palmiers in any season. I loved whenever they broke because, oh darn, I could eat them. They are light, only slightly sweet, and insanely easy to make.

Mini Palmiers

• 1 puff pastry sheet, thawed
• ~1 cup sugar (divided)

Sprinkle some sugar onto your counter, then open the puff pastry onto it.

Using a rolling pin, roll until it's about 13" x 13" (there's no need to measure - it was about as wide and long as my rolling pin - but it won't take much).

Staring with one end, fold the edges in (about 1" at a time) towards the middle. If you fold, the cookie will stay more "together" as it bakes. Some recipes call to "roll" instead - you'll still get a cookie, but I like this look of the folds.

Keep going until they meet in the middle (I got 3 folds).

Then fold them onto each-other until you get a puff sammich. Like this:

By this point my dough was really soft and gooey - so I threw it in the fridge while my oven pre-heated to 375 degrees. When the oven is ready, put a piece of parchment paper down on a cookie sheet (this WILL help, because the sugar is messy to clean up). Take a sharp knife and cut the cookie roll into 1" slices.

These will not spread a lot, so you can get them close on the sheet. Cut up the whole roll.

Don't worry if they get messy like that (it will happen as the dough warms). Pop in the oven - check after 8 minutes. I got mine in about 8-10 minutes. Bake until they're golden brown on the edges.

Cool (it won't take long), then consume. I took them off the baking sheet, then ran an errand. The husband found them before I got home and ate nearly all of them. Oh well! They were so easy - I could make more. These are also a good platform for dipping into things (like chocolate), or Crack Dip, or as-is with tea or coffee (instead of biscotti). You can also make them savory by substituting the sugar with butter and a handful of herbs (maybe some parmesan cheese) then fold/roll up just the same. And try to hide them - because they're small and easy to eat a lot of. But since they're small and quick - they won't take up much room in your pack.