This Pregnancy Body

I want to start by saying that I feel good. I'm comfortable in my baby-growing skin, I like what I see in the mirror, and I am only critical of the stretch marks that I cannot control despite my twice-daily applications of belly balm. I still accept them (begrudgingly). 

But I have to admit something. And I cannot be the only one. Because despite the way I see myself and the way my wonderfully stretchy maternity clothes fit, I was shocked by The Number on the scale that I saw today at the doctor's office.

The scale is something new to me. Only in the recent two years did I even own one. But I will admit that I fell into the same trap pre-pregnancy as so many women and I was worried about the number. Mostly because of planning the pregnancy, I did not want to start this baby-growing journey with a number to lose. Well, I did. And I stopped looking at the scale so much that I'm not even certain what my official pre-baby weight is. I have a 10 lb range that I think I was at. But that means that the number I've gained fits into a 20-30 lb range. As I round the corner from second to third trimester, I know that 20 lbs is fine (5-10 lb per trimester). But I struggle with the idea of being 50% over where I "should" be.

Everyone has a number on the scale that they never want to see - pregnant or not. And as I edge closer to that number, I am faced with the reality that I will pass it. It's going to happen in the next three months (probably in the next month) and I need to accept that. I am eating healthy foods - snacking outside meals with almost exclusively on fruits and veggies. Yes, I go through bursts where I eat a lot. Yes, I put down two full-sized breakfast entrees on Saturday. No, I barely ate anything else all day. Balance. And I regret nothing - NOTHING.

But I am struggling to separate my expectations around the scale from my current health. The only problem here is in my head. As much as I have enjoyed almost every other aspect of this pregnancy (including how I look), I am surprised by how much I am struggling with The Number. My health continues to do well, and the doctor isn't concerned about The Number. So why am I?

And then I remembered that today I wore a non-maternity dress, so as much as I am struggling with The Number, it is not being reflected in my body, and my brain can STFU.

Dress from Nordstroms, cardigan and necklace from Stitch Fix.